My sweet angels, I love you so much.
This time that we are in right now, its hard. You all are becoming your own little people. You have your likes and your dislikes, your good days and your not so good days. The truth is, Mommy also has her good days and bad days too.
Sometimes on our bad days, Mommy loses her temper. I yell, I grit my teeth, I have a really short fuse, and I just blow it in the good mom department. I complain to Daddy, to your Aunties, my friends, social media. It feels less lonely for me when I feel like I’m not going through the crazy all by myself. But I just want to make sure that you know something:
I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU.
There is not a single day that goes by that doesn’t end with me thanking the Lord for you all. Not a single day goes by I don’t take your health for granted. No matter how hard a day we have, I never go to sleep wishing I didn’t decide to have any of you. You are the reason I am here. You are the breath I breathe, the blood flowing through my veins, the pounding of every heart beat. I am here for you. Through all the tantrums, the tears, the fighting, the peed pants, the poopy diapers, the spit up, the drool, the messes (so many messes), and the sleepless nights (what is sleep even?), through ALL OF THIS, my love for you and my thankfulness for you can not and will not ever change.
There is often days where I sit wondering if I’m doing anything right. I look around and all I see is one mess after the other. I feel so ashamed about it. I tell myself I’m a failure. I spend too much time comparing our lives to other peoples. Please promise mama that you won’t ever do that. You are exactly who God designed YOU to be!
The days when you are most unhappy are the days I am most unhappy too. Your attitude is a reflection of mine, and I am trying my very hardest to be better for you sweet little bundles.
I promise to get down on the floor with you and be Night Ninja as often as you ask me to. The huge smile beaming from your faces fills up every hole in my heart. The joy you exude from your eyes is like sweet medicine to my mind. Those amazing giggles are pure music to my needy soul. I promise to continue to do everything in my power to never make you feel less than absolutely worthy of everything I am and have to give.
I will spend every day of the rest of my life making sure you never wonder if you’re enough. I will make sure you know you are loved. Nothing will ever stop the love I have for you.
I am apologizing in advance for the days that will come where I will fall short. I have been a lot of things in my life, but never a Mom until I had all of you. I still have so much to learn, but I am so glad it is you babes who are teaching me.
I love you forever and a day my darlings.
By grace through faith,